i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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