She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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