On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
did you just send me my own nude
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
