Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
