I need help removing her.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
