I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
