Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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