and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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