You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
