I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
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Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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