i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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