so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
