if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
