can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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