if you like me you must not know who I am
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
