Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
