there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
