It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the high leading the old right now
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize