The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
