Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is Oprah even human
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
