is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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