so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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