I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
