it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
