I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
