he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
