plz talk dirty to me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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