Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
