Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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