you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Soap is not a condiment
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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