Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
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Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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