I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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