I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
