That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
