Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
