ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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