Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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