For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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