I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Drake has all the answers
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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