I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
