Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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