oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
