apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
