dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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