Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
