Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
