Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
