It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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