Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
