im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
