I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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