they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
