At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
