Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
