she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
