Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
