i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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