the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My balls are so social today.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
