i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
