Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
