If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
