2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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